Yesterday, whilst walking my dog, (an activity where all great ideas spring from, obviously), I decided to come out of semi-retirement from the blogosphere and once again share my inspiring and witty thoughts with the ether. Or as I like to call it, ‘The Return of the Blog-Monster’ – referring to myself of course because reading my blog often results in people running away scared with their arms flailing in the air screaming ‘why god, oh why, oh why?’. I embellish. I doubt my words could stir such a reaction of any form. I actually say ‘Blog- Monster’ because I just think it sounds cool. But I do tend to ramble like a clumsy Godzilla stumbling through the high rises of Japan, unsure of where it’s going, or how it got there in the first place and all that it knows is that it’s mightily confused and can’t communicate effectively with the locals…
Okay, back on track. What I really wanted to say is that you’d think a return to blogging in the new year would ultimately lead to a reflection on the crazy year that has passed. But seeing as though that year comprised of jumping into the deep end of short film making in an intensive 8 month course, coping with high stress levels, living with strangers in a city far from home, missing my family, having a mental breakdown (What does it all mean and why am I here on this planet?!), recovering, having an epiphany about what I do and don’t want to do with my life, then moving out of state to save my mum from her wacko housemate and enrolling into University…*pant, pant, deep breath* I thought it would be much easier to write about what inspired me to come back to this blog in the first place.
Aliens. You heard me.
Not questioning the existence of aliens so much, (because, duh, how could they not be real?) but commenting on the far more amusing reactions of people presented with the existence of aliens, or more specifically the existence of aliens through crop circles. I refer to example a. comments on YouTube. As we all know, people who make comments on YouTube represent a diverse cross-section of society and are sound evidence in illustrating my point. Eh hem.
There are four kinds of reactions to alien (crop circle) videos on YouTube.
This is my favourite kind of skeptic. This is the person who trolls around on the internet claiming that his two friends from the UK are responsible for the mile long, intricate, cosmically significant crop circles that pop up in random fields overnight. This isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds. As a matter of fact my friends and I grabbed our wooden planks and lengths of rope just last night, flattening wheat and corn into a pattern I probably couldn’t even draw on a piece of paper, let alone in an expansive area that can only be seen fully from the sky! No wait, pretty sure I used my electronically programmed robots that carry batons…just so I can say, ‘Hey stupid, you think an ‘alien’ made this…you are so stupid.’
Number 2: The Religious Zealot
Crops circles are satanic, it’s the work of demons, repent your sins, Jesus is your last hope and saviour because ‘Aliens’ don’t abduct devout Christians, yada, yada, yada… AND THEY LIKE TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS TO PUT ACROSS THEIR POINTS. End of story.
Number 3: The Voice of Reason
The voice of reason questions everyone, without really saying what they believe in. They are there to make the nut jobs look nuttier, the religious more zealous, the skeptics more ignorant and the believers more ‘out there’.
Number 4: The Believer
‘Open your eyes!’, ‘Wake up’, ‘Get real’, these are the calling cards of The Believer. Now, I must tell all of you out there to open your eyes to the possibilities around you. You must wake up and realise that there are things out there we cannot even begin to understand…oh yeah and get real….please?
Personally I do believe in the existence of Aliens and someday I wish to meet one of them, so I can ask the important questions, like ‘You’re really good at filleting cows and just removing their reproductive systems, do you know of a better way to peel and remove the poo shoot from a prawn?’, and of course, ‘Do all Greys (aliens) sound like Seth Rogan?’
Seriously though, they’d have so much knowledge they would probably be able to teach me how to fly and use mind control, and I’m definitely up for that.