A Whole Lotta Waffle

I can play it cool. I can tell others that University is pretty cruisy. That I’d just be happy to pass. That it don’t really need to over achieve academically to go where I want to go. But when I’m alone and those marks come up on my computer screen and I’ve done well…

I can’t bloody sit still. I’m all over the place. I forget to take my money with me to the bank, resulting in loudly calling myself a dick at the petrol station because I’ve filled up the tank and have to put it on card and I’ve forgotten my pin number. I mean, no biggie, credit/signature works fine, but still…disappointing.

Anyhow, getting these marks makes me wonder how I can manage to write a thoughtful essay on Post-colonial writing back, whilst still being completely unfocused, irrelevant and trivial when writing on here.

It’s a gift. I know. And as per usual I’m going to share my gift of the irrelevant and trivial with you today. How? With the laziest form of writing in existence: the list. I love me a good list. It doesn’t provide too many details and I can group together a bunch of random thoughts that would have otherwise made no sense put together in one blog post. I call this one: Things that have made me wonder between the dates of May 3rd 2012 and right now.

Number One: How does my Sha’bam! instructor keep a straight face?

If you haven’t heard of Sha’bam!, it’s kind of like Zumba, but with club moves and krumping, possibly designed to make me feel even more white when dancing than usual. Why I mention my instructor is because of the quite…interesting things she yells out whilst dancing. Something about how we’d all be looser if we had tequila shots, that we should pretend like night club security was going to come get us, and various other yeah, yeah, yeah sounds I’d rather not repeat, or most likely have blocked from my memory. Oh, it’s all fine and dandy after a couple of classes but in the first class, you’re just a little like ‘huh?’ and then when the instructor reminiscently says ‘remember what it was like in your first Sha’bam class?’, I think ‘woman, this is my first Sha’bam class!’ – Did I miss the introduction? Was there some sort of easement into this crazy exercise!? Plus, no, I don’t really feel very sexy dancing Sha’bam…The name Sha’bam! makes me think I should be looking something like this…

Foxy Cleopatra. She’s a Whole Lotta Woman!

Not feeling more like this…

A less appealing, more manly version…

Possible Explanation: My Instructor actually did get into the Tequila shots before hand…

Number Two: How did I, whilst at an after party for the cast and crew screening of three films I had the pleasure of working on last year, manage to…wait for it…remove most of the skin off my elbows?

Possible Explanation:  a deadly combination of rough wooden table tops, the anesthetizing effects of one too many Midori sodas, and the loud beltings of a band singing, pretty much what seemed to be, the whole 90’s rock playlist I have on my iPod. Effect being the necessity for elbows to be on such rough table tops in order to lean in to hear other people talk, and not realizing the damaging effect it was having on my wenis… *snigger* (it’s a word, look it up people).

Number Three: What is the deal with artists? In particular, what is the deal with sculpture artists? Upon a little trip to the Maroochy botanical gardens for Mother’s day, we stumbled upon this little number…

Oh, that’s what it means? I totally got that…

Possible Explanation: ???

And I though my Post-colonial essay was waffley…Now I know I can just hand in a rock I bashed a couple of times on the ground and say it represents the struggles of power…hmm

Number Four: I recently saw ‘The Ides of March’, a great movie I might say, and it made me wonder about the corruption in the American political system and the expendability of interns and other campaign workers on a Presidential candidate’s way to the top…

Who am I kidding? It made me wonder about Ryan Gosling and the strange, mystical hold he has over me. The man is a wizard. A beautiful, beautiful wizard.

Possible Explanation: Have you seen Ryan Gosling? Not only that, have you seen him act? Looked into those intense blue eyes? Seen that wry little smile?…Eh hem, snap out of it woman. There is no explaining magic…

Get out of the way Paul Giamatti! Stupid YouTube thumbnail.

Edit: That’s better.

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